TheOnion

The Onion News Network is an arm of The Onion, America's FInest News Source. The network's style of hard-hitting, on-the-ground cover...
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This Week In Histor...
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14:00:10 05/25/12

This Week In History: VE Day Commemorated With Historic Radio Address From FDR's Rotting Corpse The Onion looks back at Alabama's first desegregated mass suicide...

This Week In History: VE Day Commemorated With Historic Radio ...

Added 05/25/12
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This Week In History: VE Day Commemorated With Historic Radio Address From FDR's Rotting Corpse

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 14:00:10 05/25/12
This Week In History: VE Day Commemorated With Historic Radio Address From FDR's Rotting Corpse The Onion looks back at Alabama's first desegregated mass suicide, the historic VE Day Speech from FDR's rotting corpse, and the completion of the transcontinental railroad with the gold-plated femur of a Chinaman. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 4630 93 ratings Time: 03:00 More in Comedy

After Weeks Of Medi...
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14:00:10 05/24/12

After Weeks Of Media Pressure, Shia LaBeouf Still Refusing To Have Public Meltdown In this Star Fix Quick Hit, Angelique Clark looks at the media's ongoing effor...

After Weeks Of Media Pressure, Shia LaBeouf Still Refusing To ...

Added 05/24/12
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After Weeks Of Media Pressure, Shia LaBeouf Still Refusing To Have Public Meltdown

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 14:00:10 05/24/12
After Weeks Of Media Pressure, Shia LaBeouf Still Refusing To Have Public Meltdown In this Star Fix Quick Hit, Angelique Clark looks at the media's ongoing efforts to push Shia LaBeouf over the edge into a Charlie Sheen-style breakdown. Also, Congress discusses opening Alaska's reality star reserves and Johnny Depp registers the domain name www.johnnydeppactor.biz. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 24241 702 ratings Time: 02:48 More in Comedy

Dying Chevron Execu...
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13:30:08 05/23/12

Dying Chevron Executive Excited To One Day Become Oil The transportation secretary flips out on a pothole in Baltimore, a man wearing red glasses and pink pants ...

Dying Chevron Executive Excited To One Day Become Oil

Added 05/23/12
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Dying Chevron Executive Excited To One Day Become Oil

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 13:30:08 05/23/12
Dying Chevron Executive Excited To One Day Become Oil The transportation secretary flips out on a pothole in Baltimore, a man wearing red glasses and pink pants is probably Dutch or something, and an Ohio Film Festival graphic designer decides to go with film reels for the O's. It's the week of May 14th, 2012. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 21010 985 ratings Time: 02:35 More in Comedy

In Bipartisan Spiri...
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17:30:08 05/21/12

In Bipartisan Spirit, Obama Makes Deal To Get Kicked In Balls President Obama works out an agreement to have Republicans in Congress kick him in the balls in exc...

In Bipartisan Spirit, Obama Makes Deal To Get Kicked In Balls

Added 05/21/12
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In Bipartisan Spirit, Obama Makes Deal To Get Kicked In Balls

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 17:30:08 05/21/12
In Bipartisan Spirit, Obama Makes Deal To Get Kicked In Balls President Obama works out an agreement to have Republicans in Congress kick him in the balls in exchange for nothing. (Aired 10/25/11) From: TheOnion Views: 36641 1249 ratings Time: 02:31 More in Comedy

Behind The Pen: How...
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17:00:09 05/18/12

Behind The Pen: How Marriage Works Onion editorial cartoonist Stan Kelly is one of the world's top opinion-makers. He gets up close and personal in this new vide...

Behind The Pen: How Marriage Works

Added 05/18/12
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Behind The Pen: How Marriage Works

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 17:00:09 05/18/12
Behind The Pen: How Marriage Works Onion editorial cartoonist Stan Kelly is one of the world's top opinion-makers. He gets up close and personal in this new video series. See the cartoon, Holy Matri-Money, here: onion.com Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 32954 1912 ratings Time: 02:54 More in Comedy

This Week In Histor...
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14:30:08 05/16/12

This Week In History: Sears Tower Constructed With Bold Challenge To God Engraved On Roof The Onion reflects on the discovery of the first lesbian, the joyous Hi...

This Week In History: Sears Tower Constructed With Bold Challe...

Added 05/16/12
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This Week In History: Sears Tower Constructed With Bold Challenge To God Engraved On Roof

[LESS INFO] 2 VIEWS | ADDED 14:30:08 05/16/12
This Week In History: Sears Tower Constructed With Bold Challenge To God Engraved On Roof The Onion reflects on the discovery of the first lesbian, the joyous Hindenburg explosion, and the Sears Tower's challenge to God. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 35743 1808 ratings Time: 02:57 More in Comedy

Santorum Now Viciou...
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13:30:08 05/16/12

Santorum Now Viciously Condemning Homosexuals, Minorities, Women For $100000 Speaking Fee A 5-year-old announces that the circle is no longer her favorite shape,...

Santorum Now Viciously Condemning Homosexuals, Minorities, Wom...

Added 05/16/12
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Santorum Now Viciously Condemning Homosexuals, Minorities, Women For $100000 Speaking Fee

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 13:30:08 05/16/12
Santorum Now Viciously Condemning Homosexuals, Minorities, Women For $100000 Speaking Fee A 5-year-old announces that the circle is no longer her favorite shape, former Kentucky Derby winner Big Brown makes his comeback to horse racing as a jockey, and the guitar music fad runs its course. It's the week of May 7th, 2012. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 30134 1129 ratings Time: 02:37 More in Comedy

Romney Courts Hispa...
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14:30:10 05/11/12

Romney Courts Hispanic Vote With Animated Sombrero-Wearing Parrot This week the Romney campaign introduced "Paco", a taco-loving cartoon parrot, in hopes of appe...

Romney Courts Hispanic Vote With Animated Sombrero-Wearing Parrot

Added 05/11/12
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Romney Courts Hispanic Vote With Animated Sombrero-Wearing Parrot

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 14:30:10 05/11/12
Romney Courts Hispanic Vote With Animated Sombrero-Wearing Parrot This week the Romney campaign introduced "Paco", a taco-loving cartoon parrot, in hopes of appealing to Latino voters. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 56242 1307 ratings Time: 02:28 More in Comedy

Medium Channels The...
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15:00:10 05/10/12

Medium Channels The Spirits Of Old Acquaintances For Awkward Small Talk Psychic Kenneth Quinn connects Today Now! studio guests with former landlords and friends...

Medium Channels The Spirits Of Old Acquaintances For Awkward S...

Added 05/10/12
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Medium Channels The Spirits Of Old Acquaintances For Awkward Small Talk

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 15:00:10 05/10/12
Medium Channels The Spirits Of Old Acquaintances For Awkward Small Talk Psychic Kenneth Quinn connects Today Now! studio guests with former landlords and friends of work friends who have died for stilted conversations from beyond. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 38923 1528 ratings Time: 03:06 More in Comedy

It Easy To Tell Wha...
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14:30:07 05/09/12

It Easy To Tell What Area Man Will Look Like As Skeleton An anxiety-ridden man is rightly ashamed of every single thing that he does, half a sleeve of Oreos is l...

It Easy To Tell What Area Man Will Look Like As Skeleton

Added 05/09/12
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It Easy To Tell What Area Man Will Look Like As Skeleton

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 14:30:07 05/09/12
It Easy To Tell What Area Man Will Look Like As Skeleton An anxiety-ridden man is rightly ashamed of every single thing that he does, half a sleeve of Oreos is lost in a house fire, and a local man has had more than enough beach. It's the week of April 30th, 2012. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 40560 1450 ratings Time: 02:34 More in Comedy

Biden Unveils New H...
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17:00:10 05/08/12

Biden Unveils New Health Initiative To Make US Women Hotter Inspired by the First Lady's health plan for children, Vice President Joe Biden has pledged to make e...

Biden Unveils New Health Initiative To Make US Women Hotter

Added 05/08/12
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Biden Unveils New Health Initiative To Make US Women Hotter

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 17:00:10 05/08/12
Biden Unveils New Health Initiative To Make US Women Hotter Inspired by the First Lady's health plan for children, Vice President Joe Biden has pledged to make every American woman beach-ready. (Aired 10/18/11) Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 43115 1051 ratings Time: 01:10 More in Comedy

Kanye West In Feud ...
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18:00:12 05/07/12

Kanye West In Feud With Nation Of Syria In the Daily Briefing, Tucker Hope reports on Kanye West's feud with Syria and a company's decision not to bother recalli...

Kanye West In Feud With Nation Of Syria

Added 05/07/12
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Kanye West In Feud With Nation Of Syria

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 18:00:12 05/07/12
Kanye West In Feud With Nation Of Syria In the Daily Briefing, Tucker Hope reports on Kanye West's feud with Syria and a company's decision not to bother recalling a defective hotplate. (Aired 10/18/11) Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 43755 1228 ratings Time: 01:24 More in Comedy

Obama's Approval Ra...
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13:58:19 05/03/12

Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone Voters describe recent images of Obama eating a gigantic hoagie all by him...

Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eatin...

Added 05/03/12
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Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 13:58:19 05/03/12
Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone Voters describe recent images of Obama eating a gigantic hoagie all by himself "somehow very sad." Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 64757 1926 ratings Time: 03:01 More in Comedy

Report: Typical Cit...
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15:00:10 05/02/12

Report: Typical City Bus Contains No Fewer Than Four Erections At Any Given Time A Greyhound bus crash claims 30 miserable lives, a Stanford study finds no logic...

Report: Typical City Bus Contains No Fewer Than Four Erections...

Added 05/02/12
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Report: Typical City Bus Contains No Fewer Than Four Erections At Any Given Time

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 15:00:10 05/02/12
Report: Typical City Bus Contains No Fewer Than Four Erections At Any Given Time A Greyhound bus crash claims 30 miserable lives, a Stanford study finds no logical reason why planes are able to fly, and a local man goes and gets himself hit by a goddamn bus. It's the week of April 23rd, 2012. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 45457 1753 ratings Time: 02:44 More in Comedy

Report: Every Poten...
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15:00:12 04/26/12

Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook A troubling report finds that by 2040 every presidential candidate will be unelectable...

Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due...

Added 04/26/12
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Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook

[LESS INFO] 1 VIEWS | ADDED 15:00:12 04/26/12
Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook A troubling report finds that by 2040 every presidential candidate will be unelectable to political office due to their embarrassing Facebook posts. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 281528 2250 ratings Time: 02:29 More in Comedy

Four American Troop...
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17:00:09 04/25/12

Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis Autistic reporter Michael Falk reports it is bad that four US soldiers died but it is good that nea...

Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis

Added 04/25/12
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Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis

[LESS INFO] 0 VIEWS | ADDED 17:00:09 04/25/12
Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis Autistic reporter Michael Falk reports it is bad that four US soldiers died but it is good that nearly two dozen Taliban soldiers died. (Aired 10/18/11) Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: bit.ly Like The Onion on Facebook: www.fb.com Follow The Onion on Twitter: www.twitter.com From: TheOnion Views: 75824 3786 ratings Time: 02:29 More in Comedy

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Report: Nobody's Heard From David Blaine In A W...

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Report: Nobody's Heard From David Blaine In A While, Somebody Should Probably Check If He Died
12/15/11

Report: Nobody's Heard From David Blaine In A While, Somebody Should Probably Check If He Died A burrito is eaten like someone in the room wasn't crying, a burglar makes sure to crack the glass on a family portrait before leaving, and Obama forgets to dumb it down for America. It's the week of December 5th, 2011. From: TheOnion Views: 68561 1700 ratings Time: 02:44 More in Comedy

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